AFL high-flyers and political leaders have piled on the zingers as footy festivities kicked off early at the annual North Melbourne grand final breakfast.
About 1400 people packed the Melbourne Convention and Exhibition Centre on the banks of the Yarra River for the ultra-exclusive event on Saturday, with hospitality packages starting from $1700.
The jovial tone was set early as AFL chief executive Andrew Dillon entered the room to the soundtrack of Paul Kelly’s Dumb Things and fellow official Laura Kane was welcomed by I’m out of Touch, a light-hearted reference to fixturing and umpiring controversies throughout the season.
Prime Minister Anthony Albanese wasn’t spared either, skewered over cost-of-living pressures as he joined the stage to the strains of I Need a Dollar.
“It is great to be back here at the North Melbourne grand final breakfast, one of the day’s very special traditions,” Mr Albanese told the crowd.
“And so far this century, the only way to get North Melbourne and grand final into the same sentence!”
Decked out in a Brisbane scarf, Opposition Leader Peter Dutton referenced the eye-watering cost of flights into Melbourne as he congratulated his Lions and the Sydney Swans on making it to the first all-interstate AFL decider in two decades.
“Let’s face it, there really are two winners today, Qantas and Virgin,” Mr Dutton said.
He gave his commiserations to Geelong for missing out on a ticket to the big dance after losing a blockbuster preliminary final by 10 points.
“Cats supporters, fear not – as was pointed out before, there is a federal election coming up so Kardinia Park will be in line for another taxpayer-funded upgrade I’m sure,” he joked.
Mr Albanese tipped the Swans to win by 20 points with Isaac Heeney taking out the Norm Smith Medal, while Mr Dutton predicted it would be the Lions by 10 and Lachie Neale would earn the top individual honour.
North Melbourne president Sonja Hood joined in the banter, describing herself and the two political leaders as all “trying desperately hard to turn around an underperforming organisation”.
Dr Hood joked the prime minister had gone for a reshuffle while both she and the opposition leader had bound their futures to a “powerful yet volatile energy source”.
“For Mr Dutton, it’s nuclear fission, for me, it’s Alastair Clarkson,” she said, referencing the club’s senior coach.
“Let’s hope yours is less explosive than mine has been.”
Collingwood superstar and Brownlow runner-up Nick Daicos laughed at speculation AFL umpires might have got him and brother Josh confused when voting on their performances in the King’s Birthday game against Melbourne, describing it as the “million-dollar question”.
“I don’t know, I got subbed out so I assume the vote wasn’t for me but I’ll take it,” he said with a grin.
Victorian deputy premier Ben Carroll, Test cricketer Scott Boland, business heavyweights and other VIPs were among the audience.
AFL Commission chair Richard Goyder also made an appearance on stage, as well as former stars of the game including Eddie Betts, Dermott Brereton, Nick Dal Santo and Gerard Healy.
Australian rock band Eskimo Joe rounded out the event with a performance of their hit Black Fingernails, Red Wine.
